An Open Letter to Mr. Sign Spinner

Dear Mr. Sign Spinner,

After many months of observation and careful consideration, I have decided to write to you. You see, I admire your work ethic, your energy, and your motivation. The economy stinks, and so many people are out of work. I know you probably consider yourself fortunate to have a job that allows you to pay for that college tuition or perhaps just earn some extra beer money for Friday night.

I see you there, standing on the street corner, in 100 degree Phoenix weather. I admire your stamina and endurance. You are the marathon runner of the advertising world. I marvel at your energy, and especially at your ability to grab a swig of Gatorade while maintaining your sign's constant motion. Amazing!

The profession of sign spinning has apparently evolved over the past five years. Back in the early years of the 21st century, your predecessors would stand in their assigned locations and hold their signs. The arrows would always point toward the business/service/apartment complex being advertised. Sign spinners, circa 2002, might occasionally dig deep and find a little burst of enthusiasm that enabled the rocking back and forth of their signs. Look out!

Nowadays, your job description apparently includes something along the lines of the following:

Must possess demonstrated ability to spin, flip, toss, and catch advertising paraphernalia and keep said material in a constant state of motion. Candidate must be able to ensure passersby remain completely ignorant as to the exact location of sponsor's business. The ideal candidate has the ability to meet a minimum spins-per-second (SPS) ratio so as to prevent the actual reading of sign in hand.

Mr. Sign Spinner, I really admire your flair for the job. Don't get me wrong, it is not my intention to denigrate your position in any way. You seem like a nice and certainly hard-working kid. Kudos to you for taking an honest day's work rather than choosing to deal drugs. I just have to ask that you please, please consider the possibility that I might actually want to read the sign you are flipping, tossing, spinning, and rolling across your back and weaving between your legs! Heck, if I get a chance to read it perhaps I might then want to know in which direction your employer's business is located!

The JC Penney Outlet Store is closing? All items are 40-70% off? Really? Where??!! I might not be from this part of town and know where the Outlet is, so if you're advertising a great deal on something I need...you just lost a potential customer. You see, I couldn't read your sign, nor could I tell which way it was supposed to be pointing.

Oh well...